kristin has been a bad kristin
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
