Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So squirting runs in the family.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
