I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
