I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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