yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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