We won't sleep together?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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