then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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