I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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