I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
