At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
