Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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