we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
