oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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