Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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