I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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