you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
