Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
