He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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