Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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