I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I will pee on everything he values.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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