Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
