Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
