her vagine was all disorganized.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
