Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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