If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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