Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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