i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
