I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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