"it" just moved
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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