he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
