from now on my penis is your penis
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
