NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
