I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have aggressive nipples.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
