if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
COCAINE IS GR8
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
