If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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