You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
