How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize