my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
