I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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