please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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