I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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