If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
