weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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