His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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