You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
