Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize