so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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