oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it's like iHOP with fire
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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