He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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