There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
