He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
