apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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