I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
