hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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