As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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