Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I love you. Go after that dick
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
