i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize