dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
