my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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