yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She just used a chaser for red wine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This baby is an asshole
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
