a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
