He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
