talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
