Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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