So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
