Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
