I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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