the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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