I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize