she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
