everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
