So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Randomize
