david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How does one acquire holy water?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
