i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
