is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
