I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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