i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
