I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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