I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
