whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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