My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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