hell yes lets make some ravioli
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
