Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
