I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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