My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize