ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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