I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize