I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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