I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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