Kiss
Puke
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
