I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i dont even know how to be here
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
