I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
