And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
