Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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