i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
