If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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