did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
