i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
its not stalking. its research.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
